In the book, The Art of Possibility: Transforming Professional and Personal Life, Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander show us the 12 things we can do to go on a journey of possibility, rather than living a life full of hurdles and constraints of our own making.

These are some of my favorite concepts and takeaways from reading the book.

The Seventh Practice: The Way Things Are

In this chapter, Roz and Ben discuss how to be present with the way things are, including our feelings about how things are. They offer the following observations and recommendations for us to think about:

There are two typical reactions to the way things are. One is the hopeless resignation, and the other is the spluttering resistance from us. Neither extreme is practical, so we need to find a way to take us in the direction we say we want to go.

The calculating self faces such experience and asks, “Why hang around and feel like a sucker?” The central self will expand and develop with each new experience. First, the central self asks, “What is here now?” Next, it will immediately ask, “What else is here now?”

Being present with the way things are is not the same as accepting things as they are in a resigned manner. It does not mean we should drown out our negative feelings or pretend we like the situation. It also does not mean we should do something dramatic to transcend the negativity.

Being present means acknowledging the situation and working with what we have. When we practice being present without resistance, we are freed to turn to the follow-on question, “What do we want to do from here?” When we start to ponder such a question, pathways and possibilities begin to present themselves.

The practice of being with the way things are calls upon us to distinguish between our assumptions, our feelings, and the current realities. When we encounter difficult situations, we must be clear about the circumstances. There are four things to watch out for:

1. Being with the Way Things Are by Clearing “Shoulds”
2. Being with the Way Things Are by Closing the Exits: Escape, Denial, and Blame
3. Being with the Way Things Are by Clearing Judgement
4. Being with the Way Things Are by Distinguishing Physical from Conceptual Reality

One potential trap when practicing being with the way things are is the downward spiral talk. The downward spiral talk stands for a resigned way of speaking that excludes possibilities. Many roadblocks and obstacles along the way are just present conditions. One way to counter the downward spiral talk is to ask, “Are we describing the way things are accurately?”

Being with the way things are calls for an expansion of ourselves. We start from what is, not from what should be. We can learn to deal with contradictions, painful feelings, and fears without fleeing or blaming. We can also learn to look past the obstacles or present conditions and focus on the next step that can lead to the place where we would like to be.

In the book, The Art of Possibility: Transforming Professional and Personal Life, Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander show us the 12 things we can do to go on a journey of possibility rather than living a life full of hurdles and constraints of our own making.

These are some of my favorite concepts and takeaways from reading the book.

The 6th Practice: Rule Number 6

In this chapter, Roz and Ben discuss what Rule Number 6 is. They offer the following observations and recommendations for us to think about:

Rule Number 6 is ‘Don’t take yourself so goddamn seriously.’

In our “measurement” world, we develop a persona, a part of ourselves, that can help us survive in the competitive environment. That persona is a “calculating self,” trained to adapt our behaviors to react to the measurement-heavy surrounding. This “calculating self” is concerned for its survival in a world of scarcity.

Our “calculating selves” teach us to be more powerful as judges. When we start judging everything around us, we form opinions and assumptions that might be right or wrong. Unfortunately, when we interact with the world with only our calculating self, it is easy to fall into operating under a false set of assumptions. Rule Number 6 can help us recognize our calculating self in action.

Our calculating self comes with layers of opinion, entitlement, pride, and inflated self-description. When we peel away those layers, others can instantly feel the connection. By applying Rule Number 6, we can reveal our calculating self and make a way to allow our central self to shine through.

Unlike the calculating self, the central self is neither a pattern of action nor a set of strategies. Instead, our central self is a term we use to embrace the remarkably generative, prolific, and creative nature of ourselves and the world. From the perspective of the central self, life moves with fluidity like a constantly varying river, and so do we.

When we operate with the central self in the driver’s seat, we are more confident that we can deal with whatever comes our way. We see ourselves as permeable rather than vulnerable. We are more open to influence, to the new and the unknown. We are also under no illusion that we can control every aspect of our surroundings. We join rather than resist the flow of possibility.

When we practice Rule Number 6 and lighten up our childish demands and entitlements, we are better positioned to cooperate with others to reap the benefits of the universe of possibility.

In the book, The Art of Possibility: Transforming Professional and Personal Life, Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander show us the 12 things we can do to go on a journey of possibility, rather than living a life full of hurdles and constraints of our own making.

These are some of my favorite concepts and takeaways from reading the book.

The Fifth Practice: Leading from Any Chair

In this chapter, Roz and Ben discuss the act of leading from just about any position or level within the team or organization. They offer the following observations and recommendations for us to think about:

Great leaders care about the engagement level of the team members. Most leaders act from a position of authority and channel their power to direct others for results. Thoughtful leaders are constantly seeking information about the team’s engagement. They want more information and more relationship.

Capable leaders also know that they will not be correct all the time. Everyone makes mistakes and tries to minimize them, so hopefully, others will not notice them. Great leaders own their mistakes by acknowledging their missteps and openly discussing them with those people who are impacted by the events.

Great leaders know that their true power comes from their ability to make other people powerful. Thoughtful leaders will allow others to play the leadership role on various occasions. A monumental question for leaders in any organization to consider is: How much greatness are we willing to grant people?

A great conductor in an orchestra does not make a sound. His power comes from making other people in the orchestra powerful. A leader’s job is to awaken possibilities in other people.

When a leader helps others realize the power they have within, his team members’ eyes light up and become engaged. They can be sitting quietly on the edge of any chair and listening. But, they are also observing with commitment and fully prepared to take up the baton when the time calls for someone to step up.

In the book, The Art of Possibility: Transforming Professional and Personal Life, Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander show us the 12 things we can do to go on a journey of possibility, rather than living a life full of hurdles and constraints of our own making.

These are some of my favorite concepts and takeaways from reading the book.

The Fourth Practice: Being a Contribution

In this chapter, Roz and Ben discuss the concept of playing a contribution game rather than a success/failure game. They offer the following observations and recommendations for us to think about:

Too often, we treat life as a series of success/failure games. We notice mostly the obstacles and constraints in our lives. We warn others about the limitations of having too much to do, having too little time, not enough resources, and quality too hard to measure, just to name a few.

While we play the game of success/failure, we judge ourselves based on other people’s standards. We would often ask the questions of “Is it enough?” or “Would I be loved for what I have accomplished?” We desperately seek reassurance from others about our value and place in life.

Another angle to consider is exploring the possibility of playing a game of contribution. The contribution game is not about attaining other people’s standards or judgment. Instead, we hold ourselves accountable to the joyful question of “How will I be a contribution today?”

By switching the focus from a success/failure orientation to a contribution orientation, we can shift the context from survival to one of opportunity for growth. Ben suggests we take the following two steps for practicing:

1. Declare ourselves to be a contribution.
2. Throw ourselves into life as someone who makes a difference. Also, we embrace the reality that we may not understand how or why.

Naming oneself and others as a contribution produces a shift away from self-concern and engages us in a productive relationship with others. Rather be overly concerned with the superficial measurements of being cheap, good, and fast, we ask more questions like “Who is it for?” and “What is it for?”

In the book, The Art of Possibility: Transforming Professional and Personal Life, Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander show us the 12 things we can do to go on a journey of possibility, rather than living a life full of hurdles and constraints of our own making.

These are some of my favorite concepts and takeaways from reading the book.

The Third Practice: Giving an A

In this chapter, Roz and Ben discuss the act of receiving a letter grade A in life. They offer the following observations and recommendations for us to think about:

We often assume that not everyone can succeed and get an A in our measurement-filled world. Therefore, someone else will have to settle for a lesser grade when someone gets an A.

The curve-grading approach instills the notion that there is only one right way to succeed. Furthermore, the method enforced the idea that everything has only one correct answer, and the other answers are not as good as the “right” one.

The approach also tends to squelch innovation and creativity, and it also trains the students and employees to focus solely on what they need to do to please their teachers and employers. They often ask, “Will this be on the test?”

In the realm of possibility, the figurative giving of the “A” acknowledges that everyone can achieve the desired performance without constantly being compared to someone else.

In this environment, the teacher can focus on helping students to chip away at the barriers that block their abilities without worrying about force-ranking the students. The instructor also no longer needs to identify herself with the standard personally and lets the standards maintain themselves.

The freely granted “A” expresses a vision of partnership, teamwork, and relationship. In the absence of the vision, we automatically judge the people around us against our standards, thus inadvertently pulling the wind from their sails.

Giving an A is a fundamental, pragmatic shift toward realizing that it is all invented. When we give an A, we can be open to a perspective different from what we used to believe.

In the world of measurement, we assume that, in the end, we cannot change people, but we always try as if we could. However, in the realm of possibility, such change is possible. The main driver of the change is the relationship between the two persons.